Crash Landing In The Orifice
by Remy J Lupin
Summary: Written for the Conan Challenge on MTT. Basically, Pam's got the hotts for Conan and Jim doesn't like it haha
1. Crash Landing In The Orifice

"Uh…Hi"

"Gah!" Dwight jumps back in shock, "Damnit, Jim!"

"No," Jim smiles at the camera man," I did not have Conan O'Brien fall through the ceiling."

Conan looks around in desperate confusion, and for a moment his eyes lock with mine and I feel a flutter in my stomach, "Uh, alright. Okay, I just need someone to tell me, how do I get to the Emmy's?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Michael appears in his office door and offers some sage advice, "Practice."

Conan looks at me in befuddlement, and I just roll my eyes and smile, he blushes, and I feel my cheeks grow hot, too. When we finally break eye contact, I feel someone else staring at me. I turn to Jim and he's looking at me strangely, I smile at him but he doesn't return it, he just looks away.

"**Pam is very attractive. No question. I mean, if I didn't have an award show to host I can easily see having 2 or 3 seasons of will-they, won't-they sexual tension that ultimately goes no where."**

"I'm gonna go. I should go but, um, I'm sorry," he apologizes, heading for the door in a rush.

"Because you can't get anywhere without practice," Michael adds, looking at the camera waiting for someone to laugh.

I hear the door close and I panic, and get up quickly and I hurry out the door after him. "Conan!" I call out to him, as I watch him press the elevator button, waiting impatiently to get on. "Conan!" I call again, and this time he looks up and me and smiles.

"Yes, Pam?" he says, his voice hits a sexy low octave and he no longer sounds like a twelve year old boy.

"Don't leave me," I cry, hugging him around the middle, he's tall so my head rests just under his chin, and I feel….home. He has this strange intoxicating smell lingering around him that I just can't put my finger on. And when he reaches around me and held me back, I notice that his thin arms fit around me perfectly.

"I'll never leave you, Pam, never," he whispers into my hair. I hear someone cough, and Conan stiffens. Pulling back from him slightly, I see Jim standing there, awkwardly staring at his shoes like a kicked puppy. I immediately disentangle myself from Conan join Jim in his staring.

"I was just making sure you were all right," Jim says. He still won't look at me. "You left in such a hurry I thought you might've been upset or something." Finally, he makes eye contact for a brief second and I wish he hadn't. His eyes are full of hurt and it's just too much for me to bear. He turns away and walks back into the office.

I wait a few moments and then pulling Conan in tow, head back too the office, too. I tell Michael that Conan is going to work for us now and that he can be my assistant and help with all the secretary work. Michael says that's fine, and talks to Conan about seeing him in New York one time. Conan is nice enough to pretend to know what he's talking about, but he later tells me he has no idea what Michael was talking about.

"**So, Conan and Pam are really hitting it off. It's great…"**


	2. conebone69

Conan needed a desk. So Michael moved Jim back with Kelly.

Conan needed lunch. So Michael sent Jim out to get it for him.

Conan needed help with the computer. So Jim had to run him through it.

Conan needed someone to eat lunch with. So Pam ditched Jim for Conan

Jim was really getting sick of Conan.

**Subject: bored**

**Date: 9/10/06 12:56:17 P.M. Eastern Standard Time**

**From: I'm bored. Meet me in the supply closet in 5 minutes, you go in first. I gotta a prank idea for Dwight **

**Pam**

Jim sent the email and went into the break room for some coffee waiting for Conan to go into the supply closet. Peeking through the blinds Jim sees Conan smile at Pam, and stand up and go into the supply closet. No sooner the door shut, Jim casually turned the locked on the door and went to talk to Pam. It'd been awhile since he'd actually talked to her.

He was right at her desk when her phone rang. She smiled and said, "Hey, can you hold on just a second?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied, popping a jelly bean in his mouth, offering up a smile.

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam," he can't help but smile at this, she's so cute when she answers the phone. Then her smile drops, and the whole thing goes to hell.

"What do you mean where am I?" I hear mumbles of a reply from the receiver. "I didn't send you that email." Jim realizes he should abort and begins to back away, but Pam suddenly looks up at him with a death glare and he's paralyzed. "Someone locked you in the supply closet!" she exclaimed, running from her desk to the supply closet, quickly unlocking it and throwing it open. Conan emerges and she throws her arms around him. That went well. Pam doesn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

Maybe he should lay off Conan for awhile, and start bugging Dwight again.


	3. The BobbleHead Caper

Dwight came into the office that day in a pretty good mood. He was early like usual, and Pam and Conan were talking at reception. He eyed them suspiciously, the new they would jump at the chance to prank him at any moment. He made his way to his desk and took a seat. Unlocking the top left hand drawer, he takes out his phone receiver and plugs it into the base. He then begins to straighten up his bobble-heads; like he does everyday, but, wait…something's missing…

"Damn it, Conan!"

Conan turns around and eyes Dwight, Pam is giggling behind her desks covering her mouth trying to hide it.

"What is it, Dwight?" Conan asks casually.

"You stole my Dwight bobble head! And don't deny it! I know you did it!" Dwight exclaims, standing in his fit of rage.

"What's going on?" Jim just walked out of the break room, holding a steaming cup of coffee; he's trying not to smile.

"Oh, no, it was _you_,wasn't it?" Dwight says shrewdly, "Where'd you hide it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jim says, taking a sip of coffee and shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, it was either you or Conan, so one of you better fess up or I'm telling Michael," Dwight threatens glaring Conan and Jim down.  
"Hold on, don't jump to conclusions. Did you look everywhere? Did you check for a ransom note? Maybe it was a BHnapping," Jim suggested, winking at Pam as Dwight searched desperately.

"What's a BHnapping?" Dwight asks, trying not to sound curious.

"A bobble-headnapping, they're very serious, most cases are never solved," Jim spills out the extravagant lie, like he's not even thinking about it.

Dwight opens drawers frantically spilling their contents all over his desk and the floor; Pam looks like she'll fall out of her chair she's laughing so hard.

"What's this?" asks Dwight, holding up an envelop that says "DWIGHT" spelled out in magazine clippings. Tearing open the envelop, Dwight pulls out a folded up letter also written out in magazine clippings. "I have your bobble head. I will not return it unless you hand over 20 Jello cups and 20 cups of mixed berry yogurt." Pam bursts out in a fit of laughter. "You are to leave these in the warehouse in a box labeled "RANSOM." If you comply, your bobble head will be on your desk tomorrow morning."

"That's rough, Dwight," says Jim, swallowing another mouthful of coffee.

"Where'd you put it, Jim, I know it was you," Dwight said, "and when I find proof, you are going to be in so much trouble." The camera closes in on his face.

"Okay, Dwight, but I didn't take it," Jim shrugs, and begins to walk away, turning back to smile at Pam, only to find she was already back to talking with Conan.


End file.
